Scoring a couple camels

Hello Frieds,

Here is the latest bit of zany information packaged into my weekly Gray Matter column.

Please e-mail any comments to tim.gray.matter@gmail.com

Tim

Someone please wake me when this whole Anna Nicole Smith stuff is over.

I turned on the TV this afternoon to watch Fox News. At first, I thought the station on the TV was a broadcast network with a soap opera. Silly me, it was a soap opera, all right. It was the hearing for custody of Anna Nicole Smith's body. It's just a real-life episode of "As the Stomach Churns". I'll see what's on the Golf Channel.

Surely, You Can't Be Sirius? I am XM, and don't call me Shirley

By now, you've probably heard of the proposed merger of Sirius and XM Satellite Radio. What will become of that? What will the FCC, SEC and Congress say about such an affair? Does this not fall into the jurisdiction of the Sherman Anti-Trust Act? Shareholders from each company must be scratching their heads as they tune in to either Oprah (on XM) or Howard Stern (on Sirius, not the guy involved with Anna Nicole Smith).

It's too bad neither of the companies are having the boon they once enjoyed. Hopefully, this won't shut-down satellite radio. Having commercial free radio from coast-to-coast makes roadtrips all the more easier to bear. I can only stand to listen to the same CD so many times. At least satellite radio has a myriad of choices for your listening pleasure.

Stay home dad wears many hats

Here is my latest article as seen in the Coulee News, Onalaska Community Life and Holmen Courier.

Email any comments to tim.gray.matter@gmail.com

Illegal Aliens Getting Credit Cards

I agree that America is the Land of Opportunity and Freedom, but that does not come without responsibility. I'm a little miffed that Bank of America is issuing credit cards to illegal aliens sans Social Security Cards. The number of cards issued to illegals may be a drop in the bucket in relation to the people here legally, but that's not the point. Why should anyone, period, be able to get a credit card in this country without a Social Security card? It would be so easy to bilk Bank of America out of millions of dollars by illegals opening multiple accounts under fictitious names. Who will pay for this economic snafu? Legal U.S. citizens, who are customers of Bank of America, will pay for it through higher finance charges and interest rates. It's bad enough consumers have to pay for identity thieves' knavery, but do people have to be subjected to paying for illegals taking advantage of the American economic system?

Dave and Oprah, together once more

Here is my latest column for the Coulee News, Onalaska Community Life and Holmen Courier.

Email comments to tim.gray.matter@gmail.com

Enjoy!!!

Houston, we have a problem: 2007 Space Oddity

Love does strange things to people. Nothing more strange than strapping on an adult diaper, driving almost 1,000 miles and confronting the woman who is the romantic rival for your the one you love. That, friends, is what astronaut Lisa Nowak did. You heard about it on the news. Her story is orbiting the blogosphere faster than the Space Shuttle when it orbits Earth.

I just wonder if she even thought of the love ballad by rocker Meat Loaf, "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that." Falling into the category of "that" is kidnapping and killing.

Sadly, her life is starting to re-enter the Earth's atmosphere at terminal velocity crashing and burning.

Skip the middle man in politics

Here is the full text of Gray Matter for this week. The edited version can be found online at www.couleenews.com

Enjoy! - tdg

Skip the middle man in politics

Every Sunday, C-SPAN provides American viewers with a glimpse into British Parliament with the Prime Minister’s Questions, a weekly give-and-take forum between Tony Blair and the members of the House of Commons. It’s almost like Fox News’ O’Reilly Factor on steroids. Tony Blair’s detractors fire witty dissent against him directly instead of through the media and Tony Blair returns fire in kind.

It would be entertaining if President Bush and Congress adopted the same format for the President’s Weekly Radio Address. The current format of the president speaking on national radio followed by the opposing party response is, shall we say, blasé.
A live, witty exchange on television between the Executive and Legislative branches of government just might be the vehicle for transparency in government.

I don’t know what that kind of weekly exchange would look like. So, I offer, by way of example, a parody of last week’s State of the Union whose topics will spill over into Bush’s weekly remarks. Included are possible responses from legislators on both sides of the aisle.

Bush: [The majority of the speech]

Senator Ted Kennedy: Zzzzzzzzzzz. (Dreaming about a government without conservatives.)

Senator Barack Obama: I hope da Bears win the Superbowl. I hope da Bears win the Superbowl.

Bush: First, we must balance the federal budget. We can do so without raising taxes.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi: Yeah right, mister. That’s what you think. I’m glad I’m sitting behind you to see your better side. I don’t think I could look at you face-to-face. Oh, that’s right…I told the folks to show George some respect. It’s a good thing he’s not a mind reader.

Bush: We need to…conserve 8.5 million more gallons of gasoline by 2017.

Vice-President Cheney: Thanks for the warning, boss. I’ll be sure to sell short on my Halliburton stock options long before 2017 so I can have some sort of income in retirement.

Bush: …to win the war on terror we must take the fight to the enemy.

Senator Hillary Clinton: I don’t have the penchant for fighting like you. But I’ll tell you one fight I’ll bring – my candidacy to occupy the Oval Office. I’m in to win, you know. I just have to keep my husband away from the interns.

Bush: [On his proposed Civilian Reserve Corps] It would ease the burden on the Armed Forces by allowing us to hire civilians with critical skills to serve on missions abroad when America needs them.

Senator John McCain: Hire civilians, huh? This sounds like something out of a Vince Flynn novel. Something similar to Mitch Rapp’s ex-Special Ops contacts operating a civilian government- contract company is an excellent idea. Our men and women in uniform, God bless ‘em, need a break. Maybe we can get Jack Bauer, MacGyver and the A-Team while we’re at it.

OK, so the responses are from my imagination. However, I would love to see a live, spirited debate TV show between President Bush and the members of Congress each week. Hopefully, Jerry Springer won’t volunteer to produce it.